Cary Grant’s press agent grew tired of being asked Grant’s age. In reply to a telegram ‘How old Cary Grant?’ he wrote ‘Old Cary Grant fine. How you?’
Samuel Johnson’s reply to an author who sent him a manuscript: ‘Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.’
Groucho Marx: ‘From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.’
A plagiarist is a person with homotextual tendencies.
Secret of a happy marriage: In an argument, quit while she’s ahead.
Error message on a moralistic computer: ‘This operation has failed because of your sinful ways. Please mend your sinful ways and try again.’
I didn’t want my cat to have kittens, so I had her spayed. Was this an ovary action?
A headline: ‘Film critic’s funeral is slight, but funny, winning and poignant.’
A fact: In 1917, six Russian generals and an admiral drove taxis in Paris.