Sean uploaded this to his site on 27 August 2007, captioning it ‘the blood red rock of the fairy glen’.

3/3/97 – I took Sean and Susanna to the little park at the end of the road, and Sean and I played football – Pauline joined us after a while.

4/3/97 – In the afternoon Pauline took the kids over to Alison’s. Ruth, Daniel and Rory were there also, and the kids all played … I took Sean and Susanna to the end of the road; Sean and I played football again.

5/3/97 – Pauline went to her last counselling class and Susanna to her playschool. (Susanna’s ‘teacher’ says that Susanna is a great girl – good fun, self-contained, mixes well and so on. She always sits beside her little friend Gillian, who was 4 yesterday, and holds her hand in the yard.)

6/3/97 – Pauline and the kids continued to do big art on the back of wallpaper rolls – Sean did a vey good sea-serpent scene, all by himself.

7/3/97 – Sean’s friend Simon and another boy were here playing with him, and he was in Simon’s house for a while.

8/3/97 – Pauline took the kids to Sean’s swimming lesson; they were then going to go to Andy’s birthday party.

9/3/97 – I got up first; Pauline had a decent Mother’s Day lie-in. Sean and Susanna had made cards for her at school and playschool; Susanna had made a pink earthenware bowl at playschool and Pauline had bought a pendant in town yesterday which I gave to Sean to give to her.

10/3/97 – Susanna said to Pauline: ‘Mummy, I really really love you, but I love Gillian the best’ … Pauline, Sean and Susanna went to Sean’s motor activities class, which Sean enjoyed very much – they had races.

17/3/97 – Pauline took the kids to see the St Patrick’s Day parade, dressed as Robin Hood and Batman. It was very good.

19/3/97 – Sean was playing with Simon earlier – he enthusiastically tells him that Simon is his best friend.

21/3/97 – It was a beautiful morning; Pauline and the kids walked to school/playschool with Bertie [dog] – Sean and Susanna were very proud to show him off to their teachers.

22/3/97 – We all went to Powerscourt waterfall – I travelled in Peter’s car with the kids; Nuala travelled with Pauline there and back. It was a nice day and we had a good time – the kids had their wellies on and paddled in the water, and luckily dry clothes had been brought for them.

23/3/97 – Nuala and Peter took Sean, Susanna and Keelin to mass. During mass Maria took them and other kids into a room and taught them a song, which they all performed on the altar at the end of mass! … Pauline took Sean and Susanna to the Nutgrove … Susanna got a ‘baby feeding set’ and Sean got a drawstring-powered motorbike with which he became infatuated in typical style. [Later] We talked about the weekend – we’re very proud of Sean and Susanna, their charming ways and good behaviour.

26/3/97 – The kids are on holidays now – Sean had been tired and weepy, so it’s probably as well.

30/3/97 – The kids were up early but were quiet downstairs for a good while. Then they opened their Easter eggs and joined Pauline and me in bed.

21/3/97 – Pauline took the kids to Marley Park in mid-afternoon, and when I had finished my work I followed them on foot. It was a beautiful day – Sean had just fallen off his bike at the BMX track when I arrived, having been around the track numerous times before that. We played for a while, and I walked home.

1/4/97 – The kids and I got a bus into town. Went to the Natural History Museum and then they ate ice cream in Stephen’s Green and Sean chased pigeons.

2/4/97 – Sean and Susanna played on the computer – Sean is getting very competent on it.

6/4/97 – [At my dad’s house] I took Sean and Susanna out for the papers, and entranced Sean with stories of haystacks and working in a sweet warehouse. He thinks I had an idyllic childhood. Last night I made up stories for himself and Susanna, as we had forgotten to bring any books, so there is plenty of storytelling this weekend. [Later, at my friend’s house] Sean and Susanna were a bit scared of Chia, who is a big, powerful Alsatian, but once there was an adult near by they were happy to throw stones for the dogs to chase on the land behind the house. So I spent a lot of time throwing stones – Sean was raving afterwards about what good fun this was.

9/4/97 – Had to wake Sean and Susanna, Sean having climbed into our bed at 7.30 or so. Their sleeping pattern hasn’t got back to normal after the holidays … [later] Pauline wanted to do some painting, but Susanna had hidden her new paintbrushes which weren’t found until it was too late.

14/4/97 – Sean is very taken with Elenora [Italian student] – he says he likes the way she smiles and says ‘hello’ … In the afternoon Pauline took Sean and Susanna out and bought them new runners: Sean feels that he can now run much faster, typically.

15/4/97 – Sean was up before 7, excited about today’s trip to the National Concert Hall, where he and his class will be singing.

22/4/97 – Susie was up during the night, unusually these days, standing silently by our bed and crying when put back to her own bed. Pauline took the kids to school and playschool. Susanna said to her, ‘Remember the day we went to see the Irish dancing?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Why do those children live behind the curtain?’ [later] We all went out for a walk, and got Sean to cross numerous roads – he’s now allowed to cross the less busy roads by himself.

29/4/97 – Sean came in for a while during the night, having had a dream/nightmare about a giant rhinoceros from James and the Giant Peach.

1/5/97 – When Pauline and the kids got back we cut down most of the handkerchief tree in the back garden – Sean, Susanna and, for a while, Olivia had a great time playing back there.

5/5/97 – Pauline took Sean, Susanna, Olivia and Andrew to see Space Jam in Stillorgan.

6/5/97 – Pauline did lunch duty at Sean’s school, and took the kids swimming in the afternoon.

9/5/97 – Sean had no school today; Susanna had her farm visit. I pushed Susie to the playschool in her buggy; Sean went on his bike. Then Sean and I went to the newsagent and bought the Irish Times and a Ladybird book. I read the paper; Sean read his book. Then he went to Simon’s on his bike.

12/5/97 – A letter arrived from Elenora – she will have to take a job in the local cake shop if we can’t fix her up with a job here by the end of May. So we’ll try to. Pauline went to Dundrum in the afternoon and left Sean and Susanna here – they were very good. Sean was an angel all day, in fact.

13/5/97 – Sean is an angel again today – something to do with a lack of orange juice?

14/5/97 – Pauline left the kids to school – Sean wasn’t in his uniform as he was doing a sponsored walk to Marley Park with his class … [later] Sean was shattered after the long march … I took the kids to the end of the road to play football: Sean sometimes, by a fluke, managed to kick the ball high in the air, which pleased him.

16/5/97 – Anne told Pauline that yesterday Susanna went up to her and told her she wanted to sing a song. She then sang ‘Mary, Mary’ loudly in front of the whole class. A breakthrough for her confidence level in front of others – we were really pleased.

18/5/97 – Pauline drove us all to Ballsbridge, and I took Sean to the Packie Bonner testimonial match in Lansdowne Road – Ireland XI v. Celtic … I enjoyed the match; much of it was over Sean’s head but he enjoyed the occasion. Ireland played well until disrupted by numerous substitutions, and won 3–2 … Sean’s first football match – a staging post in his life, and mine.

19/5/97 – Sean got dressed in old clothes rather than his school uniform – they’re doing tie-dying today.

20/5/97 – Susanna was at the bottom of our bed for most of the night, having seemingly had a bad dream.

21/5/97 – Sean was up and down, claiming nightmares.

22/5/97 – Sean has an African drumming session at school this morning with Camilla, the African woman who has been doing arts with them all week.

23/5/97 – Sean was playing games with Simon and his friends all afternoon in Broadford Crescent.

24/5/97 – Pauline and the kids headed into town – there’s a family day at the National Gallery and also Sean has his swimming lesson … [later] The kids had a great time at the gallery, which had all kinds of activities going on.

26/5/97 – Pauline and the kids are painting the shed.

28/5/97 – Maire took the kids to Marley Park for the afternoon (they all fell in the water except Sean).

6/6/97 – Pauline, the kids and I did some recording on the computer.

7/6/97 – In the afternoon, Pauline took the kids to a garden fête, despite the changeable weather.

8/6/97 – In the afternoon I took the kids to the green at the end of the road – Sean is now keen on playing tennis.

9/6/97 – Pauline walked with the kids to Sean’s school in the morning. Sean has a trip to the National Gallery and Natural History Museum today.

11/6/97 – Sean is going to Matthew’s birthday party … The party was a success; Pauline was complimented on Sean’s excellent behaviour when she went to collect him … [later] Sean complained of a sick tummy, perhaps from too much cake etc.

15/6/97 – The kids took to Sara [Italian student] well, and vice versa – Sean spent a lot of time showing her things on the computer.

17/6/97 – Susanna went to Jane’s house with Michael and Jackie after playgroup, proud of herself for being big enough to go there without Pauline. While there she was anything but shy, according to Jackie. She told her that her ‘other’ granny had died because she was very old and didn’t eat her vegetables, with a ‘what did she expect?’ kind of a shrug. It was a beautiful day – we played out the back and Sara took a photo of the kids bouncing on the trampoline.

18/6/97 – Sean had his sports day at school, and came home wearing a red rosette with ‘1st’ on it – he had won the sack-and-hoop race, to his great pride … Sean and Susanna had a new ball each – Sean’s is a Space Jam basketball. Sara got home, excited about having seen Alessandro Costacurta and an Italian model in town. They hadn’t been very friendly.

19/6/97 – Sean is now getting himself dressed/undressed in the morning and evening, brushing his teeth and so on. He’s come on a lot lately.

21/6/97 – Pauline and Dervla took the kids to see Space Jam.

22/6/97 – I cooked a pasta dinner for everyone including Sara – she says that Irish food is better than French or German.

24/6/97 – Simon was here with Sean for much of the afternoon.

25/6/97 – Sean took a present – a candle and candlestick – to school for his teacher.

26/6/97 – I went to the shop and bought 33 ‘tenpenny bags’ of sweets for Sean’s class.

27/6/97 – Sean’s last day in Senior Infants … We collected Sean and Billy at 12 – the day had been a party for them.

30/6/97 – We rang Warrenpoint – Sean and Susanna were having a great time, and being no trouble.

3/7/97 – Over dinner Laura [Spanish student] suddenly burst into tears, through homesickness, to the surprise of Sara, Pauline and myself.

4/7/97 – Sara’s mother has invited us to visit them in Italy.

5/7/97 – It was good to see Sean and Susanna again … They had been very good and very happy while away [at Granny and Grandad’s since 28 June]. Laura gave Sean a Bambi jigsaw and Susanna a set of kiddie’s dominos; also a Bugs Bunny mug to the latter and a Daffy Duck mug to the former; Sara gave Sean a book and Susanna a cuddly cat.

6/7/97 – Pauline collected Diana, who is 12 years old and comes from near Milan. Her mother wasn’t joking when she said that Diana loved children – she was constantly following Susanna round and picking her up and so on … Laura’s dad rang and I had the presence of mind to tell him to ring manana, thus overcoming the language barrier.

7/7/97 – Diana played incessantly with Sean and Susanna.

9/7/97 – Pauline got up with the students, and the prepared for a day’s trip to Brittas Bay with our kids, June and her kids, to include dinner on the beach … Pauline and the kdis got back at 8 or so, having had a great day on the beach.

11/7/97 – Diana had a couple of friends in, and Laura watched the news in Spanish on TV – all about a man who had been kidnapped by ETA. We spoke to her about the Spoanish Civil War and so on, which she is interested in: her great-grandfather fought for the Republicans.

15/7/97 – Susanna, very proud of herself, has gone to the shop with Olivia and Astrid. Sean is at Simon’s.

19/7/97 – Pauline and the kids were at the Powerscourt waterfall.

22/7/97 – Laura’s friend Patricia came round to help her cook ‘tortillas’, i.e. Spanish omelettes, for our dinner.

24/7/97 – Pauline and the kids headed off for the ICT trip to the museum and picnic … [later] the kids all had a great day at the museum. Sean was very interested, Pauline said, and very charming to the guide.

25/7/97 – Sean and Andrew made a ‘stage’ out the back, complete with painted backdrop.

26/7/97 – June collected Sean and Susanna to take them to Lady and the Tramp with her kids, and also gave them lunch and dinner. Pauline, Diana and I went to Sandyford, where we bought a ‘Living Books’ educational game for Sean, and Diana bought presents for her dog and her hamster … [Later] As we were going to bed we heard loud knocking next door the Fitzsimons were locked out and José was asleep and couldn’t be roused. I climbed our extended stepladder and rapped on the window till he woke, bemused.

27/7/97 – We were up pretty early – said our goodbyes to Diana and Pauline drove her to Milltown. She was sad to leave the kids … [later] Sean bounced his basketball 1,400 times without stopping, as counted by me.

28/7/97 – Sean’s 6th birthday … Sean gradually opened his presents – Arthur’s Teacher Trouble from us (I installed this and the kids played with it; it’s very good); goalposts and a net from Susanna; a proper tent from the three grandparents. A camera arrived in the post from Aileen and Jim … Sean’s party guests arrived – Billy, Michael N, Matthew, Michael B, Olivia, Simon, Phillip. The party went well – it was a nice day and the kids were able to play in the garden a lot. Pauline made an ‘ice cream cake’, rice krispie buns and other goodies. Some kids were here late, and other kids arrived post-party – Andrew, Adam, the other Olivia. Sean had a great birthday.

29/7/97 – Pauline took the kids out and they bought yet more toys with money that Sean had been given for his birthday (Susie had a quid or two and Sean donated some money to her) … Sean and Susanna went to bed in the tent, in the front room.

30/7/97 – We said our goodbyes to Laura, who was sad to be leaving and would like to come back next year. Pauline drove her to Milltown – she and I will be glad to have the house back to normal, nice though the students were … Sean and Susanna went to Michael Noonan’s birthday party in the afternoon … The kids went to bed in the tent again; Sean was awake very late.

31/7/97 – The kids slept in the tent again.

5/8/97 – We watched some TV – Sonia O’Sullivan failed in the final of the World Championship 1500 metres even though Pauline, Sean, Susanna, Olivia and I were shouting ‘Sonia, Sonia’.

6/8/97 – Sean rang from Warrenpoint; I also spoke to Nuala, Peter and Susanna. The kids had been playing on the boat all afternoon.

9/8/97 – Sean and Susanna were at their first funeral – of one of the Houricans.

15/8/97 – I took Sean and Susanna, and Sean’s goalposts, to the end of the road for a game of football.

16/8/97 – Sean was bold when Pauline was getting them ready for bed, hence no stories were read, to Sean’s dismay. There was uproar.

17/8/97 – Pauline got a picnic ready and we went off on one of our research trips, to try and get an idea of where we might like to live. First we went to Trim, where we visited the castle and had a picnic beside it – the castle is very impressive, but on looking around we weren’t all that impressed by the town, which is very small. We went on to Navan, which, to our surprise, was much better, and then along the Boyne valley to Drogheda, stopping to look at the river. There’s a lot of lovely countryside, and plenty of historic and prehistoric sites. We were less impressed with Slane and Drogheda than we had been with Navan.

18/8/97 – The kids played around the house and with Olivia most of the day.

21/8/97 – Although the day was quite wet, Pauline took the kids to a nature trail in St Enda’s Park.

22/8/97 – Simon was here playing with Sean all day.

This is a new version of a song I wrote almost a year ago … originally called ‘All We Had’. PapaGuinea liked it and did a lovely arrangement, which is tweaked a bit for this version … Pauline and I showed it to our friends Timmy and Martina last week, and Timmy suggested some new chords.

To listen to the song, please click here: Beating Hearts

We’re hoping that Timmy and Martina will record it soon, as they are both excellent singers – we will then put it on YouTube. In the meantime, this is Pauline and me.

BEATING HEARTS

All
All we had
All we had was not
All we had was not enough

Time
Time went by
Time went by and then
There was no more time for us

Hope
Hope that dwelt
Hope that dwelt inside
Hope that dwelt inside our minds

Left
Left one night
Left one night and then
There was no more hope of time

Spent
Spent as though
Spent as though the sun
Spent as though the sun would shine

On
On the lives
On the lives we lived
On your happy life and mine

If
If I could
If I could go back
If I could go back in time

I
I would not
I would not behave
Any differently this time

For
For I know
For I know that you
For I know that you knew too

All
All the love
All the love I had
In my beating heart for you

And
And I know
All the love you had
In your beating heart for me

In your beating heart
In your beating heart
In your beating heart for me

It’s been a great weekend for Irish rugby, starting with Connacht’s first Heineken Cup victory, 9–8 against English high-fliers Harlequins on Friday night. Yesterday Pauline and I watched the Leinster–Montpelier match in a pub in Virginia, and the Northampton–Munster match in our local.

Leinster comfortably beat Montpelier 25–3 to finish their group unbeaten, but we had no way of knowing what would follow – one of those stunning, gargantuan performances that Munster have produced regularly over the years, ever since they beat Toulouse 31–25, away, in the 2000 semi-final (clips from that match below).

To play Northampton (beaten finalists last year) away and score 51 points despite being crucified in the scrums was simply amazing, and the emergence of O’Mahony and Zebo this season augurs well for the future. This game summed up why Sean loved Munster so deeply.

Ulster lost narrowly away to Clermont Auvergne, but still go through, so for the first time there will be three Irish teams in the quarter-finals.

Munster had reached the quarter-finals 12 times previously, but had never before won all six group games. Now last year’s disappointment is consigned to history, and both they and Leinster have a chance to become the first club to go through a Heineken Cup game unbeaten.

Before that, of course, there is the Six Nations to look forward to.

1/9/97 – Sean went back to school. Last night in bed he had been worried that he wouldn’t be able to read and write well enough, and he practised a bit of reading this morning. He’s going into first class … [later] Sean’s day at school went well – he needn’t have worried, he said … [later] in what is to be a nightly occurrence, the four of us sat down at the table for 10 or 15 minutes and the kids did some drawing, writing and (in Sean’s case) reading.

2/9/97 – Pauline left Sean to school – he’s got all his old enthusiasm for going.

3/9/97 – Sean had another good day at school.

4/9/97 – Pauline picked Sean up from school around 12, and drove the kids to Malva’s place for the afternoon, which is in the middle of the countryside near where Kildare, Wicklow and Carlow meet … [they] had a great day – the countryside was lovely; they saw a lot of animals; held a kitten, met a pig walking down the road and had to shoo it into a field, etc.

5/9/97 – The kids were up quite late – Sean did a lot of drawing.

6/9/97 – Pauline took Sean to his swimming lesson.

9/9/97 – Did our family time, incorporating Sean’s homework. His reading is improving a lot, and his writing is coming on too.

11/9/97 – I took Sean’s coat to his school – he and Matthew are being allowed to walk to Matthew’s house on their own, and Sean dismissed both me and the coat.

12/9/97 – Pauline and the kids ‘splatter painted’ the kids’ shelving unit.

13/9/97 – I read the paper and then took Sean and Susanna to town on the bus. We got off at Westland Row and walked across the road, then got a DART to Sandymount, where Sean had his swimming lesson and Susanna and I watched.

15/9/97 – Pauline collected Sean from school at 2.30 (typically, he loves having to stay the extra hour). She also brought Billy here, and the two boys played with the black-and-white cat in the front garden.

20/9/97 – We got up pretty early and got ready to go house-viewing in Meath. Our first appointment was at 10.30 in Wilkinstown. We weren’t too impressed with the house, and Sean and Susanna weren’t too impressed with the big dog, which had to be tied up.

22/9/97 – As soon as the kids woke up they were playing in the hammock that Pauline had put up between their beds.

1/10/97 – We did ‘homework’ as usual – Sean has a reading test tomorrow and is very keen to do well in it.

7/10/97 – Sean had got 58/80 in his word test the other day, and apparently had had difficulty with a lot of the words he got right, so Pauline had a word with Mr Neary. Mr Neary said that it’s not yet time to consider remedial teaching for Sean – this upset Pauline, who has always felt that Sean might be better off a year further back at school – many of those in his class are more than a year older than him.

10/10/97 – Sean did very well in a spelling test, with 17 out of 18 correct.

11/10/97 – We watched Beethoven’s 2nd, which Sean enjoyed.

19/10/97 – Pauline took the kids to see Hercules in the afternoon: all three of them enjoyed it, especially Sean.

20/10/97 – Pauline got Sean from school early, and they all went to the Nutgrove, where the kids bought their ‘virtual pets’. Sean got very into his, but Susie was too young and too miserable [sick] to do much with hers.

23/10/97 – I got Sean ready for school – Susanna was still unfit. He didn’t have to wear his uniform, because they were going to Marley Park to plant trees. I walked him to school … I also collected Sean from school – he had enjoyed the tree-planting.

29/10/97 – Pauline took the kids to Dundrum. In the afternoon she made their Halloween costumes – Sean is to be a devil, Susanna a ghost.

30/10/97 – The kids were up at 7, and as they played a loud game it was difficult for Pauline and me to sleep after that.

2/11/97 – Sean got his first Irish reader today.

5/11/97 – We did Sean’s homework with him and drew pictures with Susanna.

6/11/97 – We did the kids’ homework – Susanna can now write and then read a number of words, with some guidance, and is very pleased with herself. Sean is impressed too.

8/11/97 – Pauline drove us to Three Rock Rovers for Sean to do football. Pauline and Susanna went home, and I watched Sean play his first ‘proper’ football match. He ran around enthusiastically, but didn’t get too many chances to kick the ball on the all-weather hockey surface. He enjoyed it, though. He and I walked home.

13/11/97 – Sean walked with Matthew to Matthew’s house after school, and played there … Pauline worked on a Finn McCool outfit for Sean.

14/11/97 – Pauline was up early, putting the finishing touches to Sean’s costume. He looked really good as Finn McCool, and was disappointed later that he didn’t win a prize (Matthew, as Mr Twit, won one).

15/11/97 – Pauline left the kids to speech and drama. We read the paper, then I took Susanna to town on the bus and Pauline took Sean to his swimming lesson. Susie and I walked down Grafton Street and collected her caterpillar cake from Marks & Spencer’s – she was very pleased with it, especially as it had shoes, unlike Jane’s caterpillar cake.

22/11/97 – I took Sean to football at Three Rock. He’s on a team called Albion, and will be from now on. They were beaten 5–0 by Inter, who included Billy. Sean was in goal for the last part, and let in one goal. As a footballer he has some practising to do. But he enjoyed himself immensely.

23/11/97 – Pauline blew up a postcard on the projector for her counselling project, then Sean and Susanna had a go. Sean, Susanna and I played the ‘Hover’ game on the Windows 95 CD for a while.

25/11/97 – I bought a Tchaikovsky/Dvorak CD for £2.99: Sean listens to Tchaikovsky at school and expressed an interest.

26/11/97 – Sean was awake for hours after going to bed, and complained of being worried about various things.

30/11/97 – We bought harmonicas for Sean and Susanna in Habitat.

Sean loved Nina Simone’s epic ‘Sinnerman’ track, and used to play it a lot. He may have heard it first in Scrubs … I know that it features in various movies as well, and that he made a point of tracking it down when he first heard it on television.

There are other versions of the song, including, according to Wikipedia, several by the Wailers. I’m not sure whether Sean ever heard those – if so, he would probably have shown them to me, as he liked to do.

The other Simone track he liked was ‘Ain’t Got No, I Got Life’, part of which featured in an advertisement to which we were heavily exposed a few years ago.

I remember the day the photograph was taken … Sean told me that he and some of his friends had been touring around aimlessly in a car – I think Conor was driving. They saw some wind turbines on a hill in the distance, and decided to drive to them. Accomplishing this was an adventure in itself, and they had a fun day.

At the funeral today we spoke to Conor and the other friends that would have been with Sean that day, as well as Clio. It was strange to see them in the setting of a funeral again. I hope that this will not be repeated any time soon, and that we’ll be seeing them in happier circumstances.

Last night in a vivid dream I was walking down a slope in some unknown city, with the sea straight ahead; the sun was shining brightly. I was thinking about Sean and Garry, and wondering about the meaning of life and whether I had learned anything in my 51 years.

I began to go into a different ‘head space’, as I sometimes do in dreams. I am aware of this as it happens … aware that it is ‘only’ a dream, but also that it is very real, and in no way ordinary. A feeling of ecstasy came over me.

I realized that, if I wanted to, I could probably fly. So, I began to run forward and, sure enough, I took off. I flew very high, effortlessly, with a wonderful feeling of bliss and contentment. At one point I began to fall like a stone but was still ecstatic, knowing I would have a soft landing, and thanked God for looking after me.

At Gary’s funeral this morning a psalm I didn’t know was sung – ‘On Eagle’s Wings’.

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

I had told Pauline about my dream – the psalm reminded her of it, as well as me.

We are thinking of Garry and his family. May he rest in peace.

2/12/97 – Sean and I played Hover – I regained the high score then he got an even higher one. I think he’s clever to be able to play it so well, and it’s good for his spatial skills and hand–eye coordination. He’s playing the harmonica a lot, and wants to take lessons. He says it makes him feel good, as if he’s cuddling us, because we gave it to him. Pauline told him about people playing harmonicas in gaols etc., which impressed him … [later] She read children’s stories about Brahms and Tchaikovsky as boys to the kids’ Sean again was most impressed and wants to hear music by Brahms.

5/12/97 – Eleanor and Alan were here in the afternoon and Sean had a good time playing with Alan.

6/12/97 – Pauline took the kids to speech & drama … she took Sean to his swimming lesson. Sean and Susanna went to Olivia’s party in the afternoon … we all went to Sean’s football match. His team, Albion, beat Inter 2–1, which was nice for him after two defeats.

7/12/97 – Sean was a bit of a wreck. The pace of his activities and the excitement of Christmas seem to have got to him. So he is excitable and headstrong, and tearful when we reprimand him. He was talking to Pauline again about being worried in case he crashes into someone in the playground at school.

11/12/97 – We went to Sean’s Christmas show at his school, which was very good. Sean’s class did Sleeping Beauty, and Sean had one line – ‘kiss chasing’! It went on late, and in the end Susanna, very tired, cried inconsolably because we won nothing in the raffle.

12/12/97 – Sean gave us a note he’d written: ‘To Mummy and Daddy. I love you. You are my only hope to live. I would die without you.’

13/12/97 – In the afternoon Sean and I went to the green at the end of the road for football practice. Pauline drove us to Three Rock Rovers for his football match at 6 … Albion lost 2–0 to City, but Sean played much better than previously – he’s determined, and a good little tackler. At one point he caught the ball full in the face, which was sore, but didn’t make too much fuss about it.

14/12/97 – We all went out to get a Christmas tree from in front of Superquinn, and got a nice one. Sean and Susanna then decorated it once we’d put it up.

15/12/97 – Sean and Susanna were bold and made a mess with tinsel in the front room.

16/12/97 – Sean again claimed he was too ill to go to school – maybe he just needs a break.

18/12/97 – Pauline went to bed early with Sean, who had had a bad dream.

20/12/97 – [At my dad’s house] The kids played the piano and played chasing with Pauline in the garden, and I showed them round the house … We had a pleasant journey back to Dublin [on the train], playing ‘hangman’ and a game invented by Pauline where we took it in turns to add something to an originally blank face – eventually the page was full of all kinds of weird and wonderful things.

21/12/97 – Sean played with Michael all afternoon; they befriended a dog and played with it for ages.

22/12/97 – Sean shattered the Hover high score record.

23/12/97 – The kids are more excited than ever about Christmas, naturally.

24/12/97 – Sean and I walked to the veg shop and the shopping centre.

25/12/97 – The kids woke a few times during the night, and finally around 8. They were delighted with their presents, especially Sean with his Scalextric.

27/12/97 – [In Warrenpoint] I played football in the back garden with Sean and some of the McAloones – Sean had got a new football for Christmas.

4/1/98 – The kids (!) cooked spaghetti bolognaise, with quorn, for dinner.

5/1/98 – The kids, with Pauline’s help, cooked dinner again – they had steak, potatoes and broccoli; we had fish.

8/1/98 – Pauline is reading and working from Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain again, and drew the kids earlier as a ‘before’ exercise. Sean was very impressed, of course.

10/1/98 – In the afternoon we all went to Marley Park – it was a lovely day – and spent a few hours playing football and flying the kite.

11/1/98 – We all went to Stillorgan to see The Borrowers … The film was good – over Susanna’s head somewhat. Sean enjoyed it, I think. He and Susanna devised traps for putative borrowers later.

12/1/98 – Sean is awake late every night and hence is always tired.

14/1/98 – Sean is now allowed to read in our bed for half an hour, unknown to Susanna, but he was still awake till 10.

17/1/98 – Took Sean to his football (Albion were beaten 4–2 by Spurs).

18/1/98 – In the afternoon we all went into town and went to the Natural History Museum and McDonald’s.

22/1/98 – Mr Neary thinks Sean may have a problem with his visual recall; he’s to have a test to assess this.

23/1/98 – I did Sean’s spelling with him before he left, and he got all 22 right – he has the weekly test today. [Later] Sean got 17 out of 18 in his spelling test, so we were very pleased with that. He just needs to apply himself more consistently, but he’s only 6, after all.

24/1/98 … Pauline drove Sean and me to the football match. Albion lost 2–0 to City, but again he did quite well.

27/1/98 – When Pauline was putting Sean to bed he got very upset about having to change school – he loves St Attracta’s – and was crying for a couple of hours. Finally he said ‘In future you and Daddy make the decisions, and just tell me – I don’t want to have to decide anything.’

28/1/98 – When I asked Sean what he wanted for breakfast he said ‘You decide.’

30/1/98 – I collected Sean and AJ and brought them here – they played contentedly for the afternoon, and I gave them sausages and chips for dinner.

10/2/98 – Pauline and I had a meeting with Mr Neary and Ms Somerville at Sean’s school. Sean had done various tests with Ms Somerville, and had scored average or above in most of them – just in one where he had to reproduce sets of symbols on cards, using other cards, he had trouble. He seems to have difficulty distinguishing left-to-right from right-to-left, as evidenced by the ‘backwards’ letters in his writing. They both think he is a lovely little boy, and unusually innocent, which is true. He is also artistic, and good at maths.

13/2/98 – I went through Sean’s spellings with him for his spelling test.

14/2/98 – Christine and Pauline went out for a drink at 4.30; Liam drove the rest of us to Sean’s football (Albion lost 1–0 to Inter).

17/2/98 – Pauline’s birthday. Sean, Susanna and I had each made a card for her … [later] Maire took Sean and Susanna, as well as AJ and Andy, to the park; they all had a great time.

18/2/98 – Sean got another pack of Premier League stickers, which he’s collecting – they’re a craze at the moment.

19/2/98 – Sean played with Simon and Karl from his class.

21/2/98 – I bought a workbook for Susanna in Eason’s – she’s been complaining lately that Sean gets Premier League stickers and she gets nothing … we all went to Sean’s football – Albion were beaten 2–0 by Spurs.

22/2/98 – Pauline and the kids have been making a rocket … I took the kids to Marley Park and we played football.

25/2/98 – We lit a fire in the front room, egged on by Sean, and sat in there for the evening.

26/2/98 – Sean came into the bedroom with pieces of melted-down metal from bits of toy cars he’d put on the fire last night – he was very impressed with this, and with everything to do with the fire.

27/2/98 – Sean, when he got home from school, was very upset that we were going to take the black cat to the DSPCA – he’s very fond of it. So Pauline and I decided we could keep it, and it was allowed in the house. We would have to take it to a vet and get it checked out, but our efforts to get it in the cat basket were in vain, and it bit me, justifiably, for trying. So the idea of keeping it was abandoned, which is perhaps just as well, because I had started to sneeze and my eyes and nose were streaming.

28/2/98 – The morning passed away with the kids playing with the cat and so on … we all went to Sean’s football. Albion beat Rovers 1–0, with a goal from Cormac, their outstanding player. Unfortunately, he’ll be missing next week. Sean did well – he’s a good tackler. He was very pleased to win the match.