It was so great that on the day when the European football final was Germany v. England, the European rugby final was Ireland v. Ireland … something that would have been a dream come true for Sean.

Pauline, Susanna and I watched it at home and enjoyed it thoroughly, free of the awful suspense of Leinster’s semi-final win in Bordeaux, knowing that it was Ireland’s day whatever happened. But we were rooting for Leinster, just as Sean would have been, even though we live just on the Ulster side of the Leinster-Ulster border. The fact that Sean O’Brien was man of the match yesterday was a nice little bonus.

Kieron King would have loved it too … he lived on the Leinster side of the border and was a fanatical Leinster fan (although he was buried in Ulster … Timmy managed to make a joke about that in his funeral oration).

Sean and Kieron, I hope you enjoyed Leinster’s victory, somewhere, somehow.

1/9/96 – In the afternoon we all went to Malahide Castle, going badly wrong on the way and ending up in Howth. We had a good time at the model railway display (which was very impressive) and playground, and there was a sort of rally of old and modern motor vehicles (we were all in a fire engine). Good fun. Got lost again on the way home.

2/9/96 – Sean’s first day in Senior Infants. Pauline gave him a shower in the morning and dressed him in his (mainly) new uniform … [Later] Pauline, Susanna and Olivia (who started school today) went to collect Sean and will head on to the beach … [Later] Pauline and the kids arrived back from Bray …. Sean’s first day back at school had gone fine.

6/9/96 – Sean slept late, having come in to us during the night after a ‘bad dream’ … [Later] Phillip was here playing with Sean for the afternoon, to Sean’s delight. They set off to go around the block, but crossed the road and ended up in Broadford Drive, to the annoyance of Pauline and me.

7/9/96 – Pauline and Susanna went with Sean to watch him have his first swimming lesson in Sandymount, which went well.

12/9/96 – I took Sean, Susanna and Olivia to the grassy space at the end of the road, where we played football and they ran races.

17/9/96 – Pauline took the kids out to get Sean’s birthday present from Dave, Dervla and Keelin. He chose a large ‘fighter aircraft’ that can do lots of different things – he’s very happy with it.

19/9/96 – I took the stabilizers off Sean’s bike and we all went to the green area at the end of the road: soon Sean was riding it by himself, though he couldn’t start himself and would fall off when he stopped. After dinner we all went to Marley Park and soon Sean was doing everything on his own – he cycled a long way on the grass. He was delighted with himself, and rang Granny and Grandad to tell them when he got home.

20/9/96 – Pauline took Sean and Susanna swimming in Cheeverstown, and they went to McDonald’s afterwards. Then we all went to Marley Park again, and the kids cycled their bikes.

21/9/96 – Sean had a swimming lesson in Sandymount – he’s doing very well.

23/9/96 – I posted Peter a collage that Sean had done of Peter with his yacht, pet crocodile, etc.

24/9/96 – We were all tired – Sean had to be woken at 8.30 (he had been in our bed for a while during the night because he’d been frightened).

25/9/96 – Susanna was excited about going to ‘her school’ – Pauline starts her counselling course in DATE today and Susanna will be going in the crèche. I had to make a sandwich for her and put it in her lunchbox.

26/9/96 – Philip was here with his toolbox in the afternoon, to Sean’s delight.

27/9/96 – Susanna slept right through, so everyone had a good sleep. She and Sean were downstairs again first thing, playing with the remote control lorry and racing car. Sean went off to school after more revision of words for his test (!) today … [Later] Sean had done well in his test and got his first reader, so he was very pleased.

28/9/96 – Sean read me a story in bed!

29/9/96 – We tidied up the garden and I watched most of the Meath v. Mayo replay – Pauline and the kids watched the end of it and were fanatical Mayo fans. Meath won, unfortunately.

2/10/96 – Sean has PE today, so he had to wear his runners. (In the event he was barred from PE for pushing and shoving.) [Later] Sean, Susanna and Olivia put on an ‘Irish dancing’ show.

5/10/96 – We got the place, ourselves and the kids tidied up and a photographer arrived to take some photos of us … I took Sean and Susanna to the little park at the end of the road, where they did some cycling, and then around the block for a walk.

6/10/96 – After lunch Sean and I broke up the base of an old bed that was in the shed, so that it could be taken to the dump. Sean enjoyed this, and we attached two of the springs to his feet for a while at his suggestion.

7/10/96 – Sean arrived home from school with a potential black eye – he had run into someone in the yard.

10/10/96 – Sean and Susanna were up early. Sean was going to Marley Park with his school today, and didn’t have to wear his uniform … [Later]Sean had a good time in the park – they walked all the way there, and to the playground, and back, so Sean was very tired.

13/10/96 – Pauline and I took Sean and Susanna to a ‘Teddy Bear’s Concert’ in Amharclann Naithí – the Dublin Youth Orchestra played a concert geared towards kids and kids were encouraged to bring teddies with them. Also, there were two people in teddy suits dancing about. The music was very good.

16/10/96 – Pauline and Susanna did well at their class and crèche – Susanna now minds two small babies and doesn’t cry. In the afternoon Pauline took Sean and Susanna to Dundrum for storytime in the library, which turned out to be entirely in Irish. Susanna got involved anyhow. Later the three of them plus Olivia made some dough and some figures out of it, and baked them in the oven. Sean painted his.

17/10/96 – Sean and I played ‘cricket’ in the front room – I threw a rubber ball; he tried to hit it with my glasses case. He enjoyed this a lot.

21/10/96 – Pauline and Susanna went to the mother-and-child playgroup, which Susanna loves – she was very excited about it.

28/10/96 – We got the office prepared and gave the walls and ceiling a coat of white paint, helped by Sean.

29/10/96 – We gave the office another coat all over in the morning, then let Sean and Susanna do a bit.

5/11/96 – Pauline bought a bow and arrows for Sean, with which he was delighted, and some stuff for a Robin Hood costume – his class will be dressing up as TV/book characters on Friday. They dyed material for the costume.

6/11/96 – Sean’s Robin Hood outfit looks very well – he’s obsessed with his bow and arrows.

8/11/96 – Sean was up early, and in bed with us for a while. He was dressed up in his Robin Hood outfit for school – Olivia went as Esmeralda from The Hunchback … [Later] Sean had a good time as Robin Hood – the kids had to walk on a catwalk.

9/11/96 – ‘It is low clouds today on the mountain’, Sean wrote, asking for guidance on spelling. Quite poetic, I thought.

11/11/96 – Sean got only one word wrong in his latest test – 57/58.

16/11/96 – Susanna’s party commenced, attended by the four of us plus Siân, Pete, Olivia, AJ, Andy, Daniel, Rory and Michael (Noonan); also Liam, Christine, Dónal and Ruth. The kids played and had fun and eventually ate cake, sweets and so on; Susanna got a lot of cards and presents and had a great time.

17/11/96 – We watched a documentary on explosives with Sean, who is fascinated by anything spectacular – avalanches, earthquakes, explosives, etc.

18/11/96 – Sean and Susanna were in the bath on their own when there was a power cut and I lost work for the second time today – when the lights went out it was pitch dark. Sean shouted in excitement, and Susanna got into a terrible panic and started screaming. We calmed her down and lit some candles; Pauline lit a fire. It was great fun for the kids; not so good for Pauline and me.

21/11/96 – Sean had a haircut with a no. 4 blade, and looked very cute.

24/11/96 – Sean is suddenly into jigsaw puzzles, and good at them.

25/11/96 – Sean and Susanna had been tidying the house – Sean had become obsessive about it … After dinner I played a game with the kids where one of us would hide a swimming tube and the others would try to find it. Susanna, not grasping the concept, would always show where she had hidden it.

29/11/96 – Pauline spent the afternoon rigging up the bunk beds for the kids, with some help from Sean and me. They were thrilled with them, especially Sean.

30/11/96 – Pauline took the kids to Sean’s swimming lesson in the afternoon – he’s doing very well.

Leinster v. Ulster in the Heineken Cup final … Sean would be thrilled. We always hoped that two Irish sides would meet in the final one day, although Ulster’s resurgence was unexpected … we would have expected Munster to be there.

Leinster’s victory in Bordeaux today was one of the true epics … Sean would have loved it, as would Kieron King, a Leinster fanatic. It seems fitting that Clermont’s final attack, when they laid siege to the Leinster line, was repelled by none other than Sean O’Brien.

Happy rugby days in these strange, often difficult but also rewarding times.

A nice picture posted elsewhere by Sean’s friend Deanna this week … we hadn’t seen it before.

I well remember all the potholes on the long, winding lane to Deanna’s house when I used to drop Aaron and Sean there. Happy days.

Rest in peace, Kieron. So sorry to see you go.

Brendan and Pauline

On 23 March, the Ramor Theatre in Virginia showed a programme in the Lesser Spotted Ulster television series that featured Virginia. The theatre used a photo of Lough Ramor taken by Sean to publicize the event in its brochure.

When the photo’s provenance was pointed out, the theatre offered to hold a small exhibition of Sean’s photos of the Virginia area to coincide with the Lesser Spotted Ulster showing. We had five of them nicely framed, and they were hung in the theatre (as it happens, a reflection of a stained-glass window by Pauline is visible in one of them).

The Ramor Theatre has offered to hold a more extensive exhibition of Sean’s work in the future.

2/12/96 – We got Sean off to school as usual; Pauline and Susanna are at Orla’s playgroup … [later] Sean was obsessed with a luminous star that Matthew had given him – Pauline and the kids were in Maria’s after school.

3/12/96 – Pauline did her lunch duty – she thinks that Sean is having a bit of a difficult time at school because Billy now plays with Matthew instead. They did pictures/collages of hot air balloons in the afternoon; I have Sean and Susanna’s on the wall in front of me – Sean’s is really very good.

4/12/96 – Pauline had a busy morning lined up – she was to help Ms Kingston get the kids into their silkworm costumes for a dress rehearsal before going to her counselling class … [later] Realized at 1.45 that Pauline might be expecting me to collect Sean, so I took Susanna to his school and he was still there with his teacher, who didn’t mind at all (nor did Sean).

5/12/96 – The concert went well – we left at the interval; Sean as silkworm had been on by then.

7/12/96 – Sean and Susanna headed off to Olivia’s party at 3.30 – it was being held in Pirate Pete’s. This left Pauline and me free to go to the pub – we sat in the Ballinteer House and drank three pints of Guinness each (very pleasant).

8/12/96 – We went into town in the afternoon and parked near St Patrick’s Cathedral, went to the toy shop where a defective pussycat had been bought for Susanna’s birthday and obtained instead a till and snowman/ice-crusher gadget.

10/12/96 – Sean had a circus at his school.

11/12/96 – Sean didn’t have to start school till 10 am; he and I walked down.

13/12/96 – Pauline baked biscuits in the morning and took the kids swimming in the afternoon. Their swimming is going well. [later, at our friends’ house] Donal and I were up latest … By the time I went to bed Susie was in with Pauline, so I slept on a mattress on the floor beside Sean, who was restless and kept me awake with his snoring.

14/12/96 – Pauline took the kids to Sandymount for Sean’s swimming lesson.

15/12/96 – Sean and Susanna were next door for much of the afternoon.

16/12/96 – Sean did some Christmas cards to put on the tree, including one very nice one of which he’s extremely proud.

17/12/96 – Sean, who had been awake late last night because he was thinking about Christmas, was up early and talking about Christmas. He’s very excited about it.

20/12/96 – Sean was up quite early – he’s not getting enough sleep, and he’s hyper because of the Christmas excitement.

21/12/96 – Pauline got up with the kids. We read the papers and all went to the park in the early afternoon; the kids rode their bikes. It was very cold. Then Pauline and I did a big shop in Superquinn while the kids were in the crèche … [later] Pauline had spent a lot of time making dinosaurs as shown on Art Attack earlier.

22/12/96 – In the afternoon I took the kids on their bikes to Sean’s school to tire them out a bit – they rode around in the yard.

23/12/96 – Pauline, the kids and I went to Dundrum in the afternoon and did various bits of business. Took the kids to see Santa.

24/12/96 – The kids were asleep quite early. We prepared the scene for the morning – carrot hanging from the doorknob for Rudolf, etc.

25/12/96 – We were woken a few times by the kids in the night and early morning. They were very good, not insisting on going downstairs or anything. Sean, Pauline and I went down at 7.30. He was thrilled with his presents – ‘Hot Wheels’, a huge pencil and a book from Santa, and a tool set from us. Pauline went back to bed after Susanna had opened her presents – she got a high chair and ‘dancing shoes’ from Santa, and a baby doll (which is life size and can do all kinds of things) from us. She was delighted also. [Later] Sean was working enthusiastically with his tool set, with assistance from Pauline and me. It’s very good. He made a boat (Pauline had got some pieces of wood from Mulvey’s on Monday).

28/12/96 – Pauline and Christine took the kids up a mountain for a walk.

30/12/96 – Went to see 101 Dalmatians in the Ambassador – it was very good. Sean enjoyed it a lot, but it was a bit over Susanna’s head.

1/1/97 – In the afternoon we took the kids and Olivia to the park and played in the snow. Also fed the ducks. I seem to have damaged my back while rolling an enormous snowball.

2/1/97 – Pauline phoned lots of shops to see if she could get a toboggan (Sean had a go on one in the park yesterday). She had no success, but in the afternoon they all played on a hill near Maire’s, and had a go on someone else’s sleigh.

3/1/97 – Pauline took the kids to Dundrum in the afternoon – Aileen had a free party session at Wally Wabbit’s.

5/1/97 – In the afternoon we all went to Bushy Park and had a good walk, then the kids had a good play in the playground. It was still very cold, with a lot of snow around. On our return home I watched Man Utd beat Spurs 2–0 in the Cup. Sean was pleased that United won – he appears to be a fan … [Later] Sean was awake late – his sleeping pattern has become dislocated during the holidays.

6/1/97 – Susanna was first to wake, around 8.45. For the first time she said ‘I want a bottle’ etc. rather than ‘Me want a bottle’.

7/1/97 – Sean went to Billy’s party, in Pirate Pete’s, in the afternoon. He had a great time.

8/1/97 – I woke Sean at 8.10. He has started back at school today. Pauline took Susanna to see a playgroup in Our Lady’s, which impressed them both – Susanna may enrol in it … In the afternoon Phillip was here playing with Sean, or with his tool set – Sean defers to Phillip and allows himself to be bossed.

9/1/97 – Sean was awake late – his adenoid problem makes it difficult to breathe through his nose.

10/1/97 – June was here with Michael – they went with Pauline and Susanna to spend some time at the Our Lady’s playgroup. Susanna loves it, and the others were impressed with it too.

11/1/97 – In the afternoon Pauline took the kids to Sean’s swimming lesson and I went into town … [later] Sean’s lesson had gone well – he’s getting very good at the swimming.

12/1/97 – Sean and I made some ice cream to a recipe in his Kitchen Science kit, although the instructions hadn’t really worked when we tried it the other day so we put it in the freezer instead of in a bowl with ice cubes and salt. Pauline and I read the paper and Sean made a ‘rocket’ with his tool kit … [later, in Marley Park] We discovered the BMX track and Sean went round it twice on his bike – he absolutely loved it … the ice cream, as it turned out, was delicious.

13/1/97 – Pauline took the kids to the park, and Sean went on the BMX track again. After about eight rounds he skidded and fell off his bike, and cried bitterly, not because he was hurt but because one pedal was broken and he wouldn’t be able to go around again.

14/1/97 – Pauline was amused, again, at Phillip and Sean agreeing that something they’d made was ‘a flipping good yoke’, ‘a bloody good yoke’, etc. … they had made a sit-in ‘rocket’ with some help from Pauline … Eleanor rang Pauline and Sean had a conversation with Alan, whom he no longer remembers.

16/1/97 – Sean got some words wrong in his word test, and has to do it again tomorrow before he can get his new reader – Pauline and I agreed that this seems excessive pressure on a 5-year-old.

17/1/97 – Sean and Susanna were at the swimming pool with Pauline in the afternoon.

19/1/97 – In the early afternoon we all went to Marley Park and the kids rode their bikes around the BMX track, Susanna under close supervision (the camber makes her fall off). Sean went round numerous times and tired himself out. Then we went to te playground for a while, and then home.

20/1/97 – The nurse had been to see Susanna today, and had said that she shouldn’t really have more than two bottles of milk per day – Susanna’s reaction was to announce unilaterally tonight that she didn’t want the bottle in this house, and would throw it in the bin. Which she did.

21/1/97 – Matthew and Michael were here to play with Sean in the afternoon. [later] Susie was up late for want of her bottle.

22/1/97 – Phillip and Sean were building a tent in the back garden – Susanna was leaning out the window and shouting at them ‘Keep those legs straight!’ (picked up from Sean’s swimming lessons). And when one of them looked at her – ‘Not you! I’m talking to a different child!’

24/1/97 – Pauline got up early. Sean climbed into bed with me and read a book aloud – he’s very proud that his reading has improved, and is willing to tackle any fairly simple book … [later] Pauline and I drank two cans of beer each – thus I broke my alcoholic duck for 1997, and Pauline broke her alcoholic duckling.

25/1/97 – We all went to Sandymount for Sean’s swimming lesson – the first one I’d attended. Sean did well despite leaky goggles – we bought him a better pair afterwards and Susanna had a major tantrum all the way to Ballinteer because we didn’t get goggles for her.

28/1/97 – Pauline took Sean and Susanna swimming in Sandymount.

30/1/97 – Sean had a haircut – his hair is now short all over and he looks much better.

4/2/97 – Showed Sean how to draw a Viking ship.

7/2/97 – Sean sat at the computer desk and wrote and illustrated a story in his copybook.

8/2/97 – Went to Bewley’s of Westmoreland Street , then walked along Grafton Street – a juggler set a ball spinning on the end of Sean’s finger … Pauline and Sean went off for his swimming lesson … Sean got his ‘grading’ and will be moving on to a higher level. When he had to swim a width of the pool he swam almost all the way underwater, Pauline says.

10/2/97 – We got the kids out to school. Susanna is totally comfortable in her playschool – Pauline says she marched in, took her copybook from her schoolbag and sat down to write in it in a businesslike fashion, hoping to impress the other kids.

11/2/97 – Sean claimed to have been blamed in the wrong at school for swearing – Pauline thinks he swears to be like Phillip.

23/2/97 – I got up with the kids and went out for a paper. They hammered nails into wood, played with paint and so on.

24/2/97 – Sean had slept in his Batman outfit, and Susanna was partly dressed as Robin this morning before going to playschool.

25/2/97 – Sean played with Phillip and Simon in the afternoon, and for the first time we allowed him to go round the block on his bike and cross the road (at a prescribed point) to get to Phillip’s house … Pauline took the kids to the self-defence class in the Community School – she left Sean there and brought Susie home. It was ju-jitsu, in fact – Sean didn’t seem to like it much, and still wants to do gymnastics … [Later] I watched a programme on the old Muskerry Railway presented by Niall Tóibin. My uncle Finbarr was in a group of old-timers interviewed at length, and extracts from my grandfather’s diary (I think) were read by Tóibin. Very interesting.

We bought Paloma Faith’s Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful? CD for Susanna at Christmas 2009, and we used to listen to it in the car. I liked it a lot, and I called my first post on this blog, in May 2010, ‘Do you want the truth or something beautiful?’.

Susanna told Pauline recently that one track on the CD … ‘My Legs Are Weak’ … took on a whole new significance for her after Sean died. It’s not a track I paid much attention to before, but now I can see that it is a powerful song about losing a friend … in Faith’s case he was called Louis, it seems. It’s a lovely piece of work, and it seems very appropriate for Sean as well.

Goodbye, sweet angels.

I’m collecting people’s tears
They cried because they miss you
They filled the seas and all the lakes
With memories the wind blew
I’d run out of jars
Before a second could pass
Didn’t have enough time with you
To turn the hourglass
Pictures in my head suddenly appear
Why’d you have to go away?
It’s all not very clear

My legs are weak

Loved you then and love you now, Sean.

I hope you like it.