The music of what happened


1/8/01 – Pauline spoke to Sean on the phone [at his cousins’ house in Portstewart] – he’s bought a ten-foot fishing rod, and is delighted with himself.

3/8/01 – [In Dublin] I tried several shops for a Cavan jersey for Sean, but they only had adult sizes … [Later] Spoke to Sean [on the phone] – he’s full of fishing talk.

5/8/01 – Dave, Sean and I went to the nine-eyed bridge to do some fishing with Sean’s fly-fishing rod. Dave gave us a lesson – it was good fun … Sean and I played chess.

10/8/01 – Dave had brought his fishing gear and he, Sean and I spent a couple of hours fishing near the nine-eyed bridge, which was enjoyab;e, although we caught nothing.

11/8/01 – Eamonn took Sean and Susanna to the farm – he was doing the milking early … Sean and Susanna listened repeatedly to tracks from If I Should Fall from Grace with God – they’re now Pogues fans.

12/8/01 – Pauline took the kids to an exhibition of swordfighting and suchlike at the museum … Sean apparently spent hours talking to a ‘medieval carpenter’, who gave him and Susanna a wooden spoon each. (more…)

3/10/01 – Sean cooked a fillet of trout for himself.

4/10/01 – Sean cooked himself another fillet of trout. He’s very proud of his culinary skills.

6/10/01 – We went to Mullingar … found a very good fishing shop where we bought bait and line for Sean, so he was happy … Sean cooked trout for himself, Pauline and me.

10/10/01 – The kids made a big impression on [a guest] by being their usual charming selves.

14/10/01 – It’s a wet day, so Sean and I aren’t going fishing as planned … the weather improved, so I decided to take Sean fishing after all. Pauline dropped us at the nine-eyed bridge. The water was high, and very soon Sean had caught his first trout – a real beauty, which would have weighed a pound or so. He caught it with a spinner. Since it’s the close season, we put it back in the water. (more…)

1/12/01 – Sean had an unfortunate episode where he got extremely upset that Susanna was allowed to put a banana skin on the fire. 99% of the time he is great company; the other 1% he seems to lose control and get something entirely out of proportion.

2/12/01 – We all did some ‘relaxation’ in the sitting room with lots of candles and whale music – this was the kids’ idea. Pauline and I drank a bottle of wine in the candlelight.

8/12/01 – Sean rang to ask if he could have a sleepover at Martin’s; I said yes.

15/12/01 – Sean and I watched Leinster v. Munster in the Celtic League final – Leinster won 24–20, much to Sean’s delight.

17/12/01 – The nativity play went well. Susanna was singing in the choir; Sean had an important part as one of the two children who are shown the true meaning of Christmas. He did very well. (more…)

4/5/02 – [The four of us went to Lansdowne Road …] Sean got Ronan O’Gara’s autograph (O’Gara is injured at present) … It was a warm, sunny day, and we enjoyed the match. Shannon beat Cork Con 21–17, and it provided good entertainment. Sean did a lot of shouting for Shannon. Afterwards we went down on the pitch (and got separated from Sean for some time) … Sean and Susanna had been given small blow-up rugby balls, and Sean enjoyed diving over the try-line and so on.

12/5/02 – Late in the evening Sean, Susanna and I had to retrieve Woolie from a hedge in Ned’s field, into which she had fallen from the ditch.

[Much playing of pool with numerous children in the house in these days, and of soccer on the lawn.] (more…)

28/7/02 – Sean’s 11th birthday … Pauline and I gave him the ‘Art of War’ Cossacks add-on – he was thrilled with it. Susanna got Sean a rugby ball for his birthday. AJ, Andy, Robert and Martin were here from about 2, running around with Sean and firing pellet guns. Pauline took them all, and Susanna, to the cinema in Navan, where they saw The Crocodile Hunter, and then to McDonald’s.

12/8/02 – Sean had a great time at the summer camp.

13/8/02 – I concreted some posts in position for the chicken run, with some help from Sean.

14/8/02 – Sean had another good day at the summer camp – they did hurling, which he loves.

22/8/02 – Pauline, Sean, Susanna and I got a taxi to the station, and went to London. We went to the Natural History Museum, and had lunch there (Sean got into a prolonged huff because he wanted to go to the Science Museum.) [We met some friends in the London Bridge area and had something to eat …] Around 8.30 we walked down the riverside to the London Eye – the kids and I went up it. Wonderful views of London. This whole episode had a magical, romantic feel – London was relaxed and at its best. (more…)

One house in particular was a home from home for Sean. It’s a few miles from here, and out in the country like ours. We used to drop him there and collect him a lot; when I look back at my diaries I see that he often walked or cycled there when he was 11 or 12.

Sean got friendly with Robert and Martin, two brothers, at primary school. Their parents, Sarah and Graham, had moved to Ireland from Lancashire some years previously. (I won’t mention surnames because of the nature of the Internet.)

Martin continued to be one of Sean’s very best friends right to the end of his life. It was Martin that drove Sean and Clio here late on the night of Friday, 15 October, and Martin was one of the first at our house when the bad news broke on the Sunday morning. (more…)

Where Sean is standing (bucket on head) is where my wall partly collapsed last August or so ... weakened by years of having footballs kicked against it. I used to give out to Sean for kicking the ball so hard.

11/5/03 – We all headed to the church in Ballyjamesduff for Sean’s confirmation. This went well, notwithstanding the bishop’s dull homily. Sean did a good job of reading a prayer of the faithful.

14/5/03 – Sean and I watched Real Madrid lose to Juventus, to our disappointment.

17/5/03 – Sean and I watched the FA Cup Final – Arsenal beat Southampton 1–0, much to the joy of Sean in particular (officially all four in our household are Arsenal supporters).

6/6/03 – Sean got an early birthday present, to which he had put some of his own money – a CD player. He was very pleased with it.

20/6/03 – The four of us went up Lough Crew late in the evening and had a good time, with Sean doing spectacular slides on the way down.

4/7/03 – We finished constructing the tennis court, and all had some good games later – Sean is particularly keen. (more…)

The purpose of this blog, since 17 October last, has been to document the life of my son Sean, who died on that day at the age of 19. I hope to build up as detailed a picture as I can.

I will never manage a true representation of Sean … he was too complex and multifaceted for that, and I, like everyone else that knew him, knew him only partly. I loved him, as did many others.

The fragments I present on the blog – photos of moments and people in his life, anecdotes, poems, the things he liked, what he said, the games he played, his music, what people said about him – may form a kind of wall mosaic that, from a distance, looks like a reasonable likeness of Sean. Up close, only the fragments will be visible, but it’s the best I can do. The more fragments I add, the truer the mosaic … or at least that’s the theory.

It will be a sort of memorial to Sean, though the very fact that one is required still breaks our hearts. It will be good for me and, I hope, for others. I know that many people who knew Sean read this blog (they are very welcome to comment here, by the way). It won’t bring Sean back, but it may help him to be held in the memory, as he so deserves to be. (more…)

Sean was never really a huge watcher of television, as he liked to be outdoors whenever possible, or socializing with other people. Shortly before he died he contrasted the lifestyle of himself and his friends when aged, say, between 10 and 14 with that of the current crop … the latter spend far more time on technology, he reckoned. He was glad that he’d had the outdoor life.

Having said that, there were various TV shows that he liked over the years (some of which have probably slipped my mind). He and his sister were watching The Simpsons from quite an early age (he grew to dislike it, and went back to liking it in the past year or so).

Later Sean became a fan of the comedy Peep Show series, starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb. He also enjoyed South Park and Scrubs. He always liked and admired Frasier, and particularly the Martin Crane character. In recent months he had watched several series of a low-budget US comedy called Trailer Park Boys – he got his mum and me to watch one episode (Sean was always a proselytizer for the things he was enthusiastic about – he liked to share). (more…)

Apart from Dublin and Munterconnaught (and a pre-natal stint in London), the only place Sean ever lived was Cavan town, half an hour north-west of us.

I have never spent much time there, except for the 2006–7 rugby season when Sean played under-16 rugby for Cavan and I helped out with the coaching. I don’t know the town very well.

In his first year at Cavan Institute, a third-level college (2008–9), Sean studied Multimedia Production … a FETAC level 5 course. He was always good with computers, and the course suited him well. We used to drop him to Virginia each morning, and he would catch the bus to Cavan. The course was largely project-based, and his results for the year were excellent … he gained a distinction or a merit in every subject. (more…)

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